Mom2MomSC

The thing that helped us most was taking turns with night feedings, that way each of us got to get a nice chunk of sleep in each night. Of course, if you are breastfeeding, unless things have changed in the three years since Z was born, this won't help! :-)

My best advice is to make sure neither of you assumes ANYTHING. Even if something seems clear as day to you ("I was up with the baby for two hours last night and did the first two feedings tonight, so surely my dear husband will get up this time...") Curt might have a totally different -- and, in his mind, equally valid -- thought process happening ("I just gave him a bath, got him ready for bed, prepared bottles for the night feedings, burped him and rocked him. Surely Laura will get up this time....").

Communication is key, especially when everyone's overtired, stressed and dealing with lots of duties and emotions you've never experienced before. I'd say set up a system where both of your "jobs" are spelled out before the night begins. But be open to amending your plan if one of you starts to feel overburdened. But you have to TELL the other person that you're starting to feel overburdened, before you reach the "completely overwhelmed" stage. I found that tough to do in the beginning (and still now) because of pressure I put on myself ("I'm a mom now ... moms everywhere do all this and more...plus my husband needs more sleep so he can be focused at work..."). But it's getting easier!

I asked Chris for his thoughts but we both don't remember getting nasty with each other during those early weeks. But that could be part of the selective memory thing that happens to new parents. :)

You're both doing a fantastic job, I just know it!
~ Robyn

Hi Laura! Congratulations on your little bundle.
I have to tell you that even though it was exhausting, and I bottle fed, I took all the overnight activities. I was selfish. It was such a wonderful time to be with Matthew with no one else around. A great bonding experience. My husband got up the very first time on the very first night, but after that I wanted Matthew all to myself. If there are times you're short with Curt, or he with you, just take a breath and look at your son and remember that it's all worth it.

Hi Laura.I guess you are staying home with your baby and your husband works? I assumed the majority of night duty with our baby and my husband helped on the weekends. I felt so bad if he was up during the week night and then had to wake early to go to work. While it was tiring for me, it was also an extreme bonding period. And I did have the option of napping and resting the next day when my baby did while hubby was at work. It's a give and take between mom and dad. Sometimes you give more, sometimes dad does. always remember you are on the same team and doing the best you can.

Laura,
For Carlos and me, it was helpful to have a set schedule. As in, we put the baby to bed at 9, I did the first feeding (whenever he woke up, usually about mid night), Carlos was in charge of the second one, I did the third one, etc, until it's daylight or an assigned time. That way, when I gave Carlos the elbow in the middle of the night, he knew it was really his turn, no discussion needed. Carlos did the feeding that was anywhere between 1-3...I found that if he took care of that one, I could usually handle the rest. Plus, because I was nursing, I had to pump anyway.

The key to success for both of us was going to bed early. During the first six months or so, I tried to be in bed by 9:15, and Carlos went to bed by 10. Even now, they are 4 and 6 and I still go to bed at 10. Children of any age are exhausting.
Love, Carol